Wednesday, 3 February 2016

100WC WEEK#5

I stood still in my room, staring out the window at the men whose face held more mystery then curiosity. He was trying to make his way up when a fire blocked his way. He had planted himself there for 2 minute trying to fight the fire. It all started when I forgot to turn the stove off and went in my bedroom. While it spread across my house. I dashed  to the window while the firemen was  determining  to make his way up trying to save me.
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5 comments:

  1. SoccerLover3 February 2016 at 19:14

    The end sentence is a little confusing and your font went a little wonky. I noticed that most of your sentence started with two letter words so you could add stronger ones. Great job though!

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  2. lillytiger4 February 2016 at 16:10

    When you say "I dashed up to the window."
    To me it makes sense saying "I dashed to the window."
    I like how you did the perspective of the mother!

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  3. Negative Zero4 February 2016 at 19:09

    The changes you could make about your story is to make your sentence beginnings stronger. I like the idea of your story.

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  4. Anonymous5 February 2016 at 11:42

    I thought it was good. Some of the words you used sound like they sound wrong. Determining should probably be determined. An there was an S in 2 minute(s).
    Some sentences were descriptive, overall good job Bob. :)

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  5. Unknown6 February 2016 at 21:51

    Some parts of your story are very confusing. Be sure to read your story out loud to yourself, a parent or peer. Good job in mixing up your sentence lengths and having proper capitals and periods to create your sentences. Next time work on fluency and flow of your story.

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