Stairway to barbecue
I walked along the beach, searching for birds to catch them and eat them after. I saw an odd stairway with a bird standing their. As I got closer to it, the bird hopped and flapped up the stairs. So I went after the bird and it kept running away from me, as my mouth watered after running and trying, I thought it was going to pay off. When the bird reached the end, I finally got close to the bird and I got it but the bird pecked my eye out.
Your story is very choppy I think you could smooth it out more. Also, I think you could make it more powerful by adding more descriptive language to make is more powerful. Good start though!
ReplyDeleteI agree I think it's choppy and there are to many i but I think it's a good creative so far
ReplyDeleteI agree with SoccerLover your story is very choppy. You also use a lot of I's in your story at the beginning of the sentences. Also you said 'cam' instead of 'came'.
ReplyDeleteGood start though!
I like your story. I don't no how the bird ate you.
ReplyDeleteThere is a bit of funny moments but you need to fix the spaces cause there are some 2 spaces and 1 spaces and it's not really about the stairs it's mostly about you and the bird.
ReplyDelete