Thursday, 26 May 2016
100WC WEEK#19
The power was out. My house was dark and silent, I needed to grab some candles and they,re up stairs. It was a hustle to get up stairs in the dark. I always know that I put my lighter next to my candles, just in case of an emergency. When I grabbed the candles and when I put my hand on the lighter it Was not there. I looked down and suddenly my foot hit something and When I picked it up it was the lighter. As I light the candle and as the flame flickered and then went out.
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The prompt doesn't really fit in, you should make sure it flows better. Also, you have some random capital letters that need to be changed. You are also using both tenses and you should only be using one. The second sentence you have the word 'there' but you meant 'they're' and in that case you also put a comma instead of an apostrophe.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of I's in your story, try to use more descriptive language at the beginning of your sentences.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything SoccerLover says. The prompt doesn't fit in.
Other than that good start.
It doesn't quite flow properly. Also there is a random capital letter, you might want to fix that. I agree with Soccerlover, you might want to add some detail before and after the prompt to help support it and make it more descriptive!
ReplyDeleteI think the prompt is not in the right spot. And why did the power go out.
ReplyDeleteOn your second sentence I think you should change the comma into a period. And for your second sentence you should put an apostrophe in the word 'theyre' instead of a comma. Maybe you could put the prompt in another part of your story because it's a bit confusing. Great job in your story !
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